The year is 2011. The world is in crisis. There are forces at work, attempting to transform innocent mixed martial arts fans into mind-numbed robots. They are doing this by transforming the people’s idea of what constitutes “winning a fight.” The first item used to brainwash the people is the ten-point must scoring system. Instead of focusing on which fighter performs best throughout a fight, fans have been manipulated into viewing fights by five-minute portions. The second step is by including “Octagon control” in the list of priorities for a fighter to win a decision. The third step is to create a fighter who would fool fans into thinking he was exciting, while instead exploiting the first two steps. He does this by moving around frantically without actually attacking, giving him the edge in the vague concept of “Octagon control,” and then taking his opponent down and landing arm punches, causing people to see him as winning at least two out of three five-minute portions of a fight.
This fighter is Clay Guida.
Fortunately, I have been hard at work in recent years, developing the prototype of a fighter who will be the perfect counter to Guida’s game. I have named this fighter “Ben Henderson.”
I have designed Henderson to have strong wrestling, making it difficult for Guida to take him down. I have also designed Henderson to be impossible to submit, ensuring that Guida will be incapable of actually finishing him. Meanwhile, I have given Henderson very strong submission skills of his own, particularly a crushing guillotine choke, ready to finish Guida if he happens to leave his neck exposed on a takedown attempt.
I have also designed Henderson to be an exciting fighter, one who is very active both standing and on the ground. Henderson looks for the finish at all times, increasing the dramatic nature of his fights. When Henderson faces Guida, the fans will be excited, not just because they have been brainwashed by Guida to be excited, but because they will actually be watching an exciting fight.
While Henderson is a very strong wrestler and a very strong grappler, economic realities have prevented me from designing him to be an impeccable striker as well. I have done enough to make Henderson decent in that aspect of the MMA game, but if he has a weakness, it exists at striking distance. This is what caused Henderson to be defeated by Anthony Pettis in the WEC, but as Guida is not a threat to win by KO/TKO, Henderson should be safe from being suddenly finished in that manner.
SILVA PREDICTION: BEN HENDERSON (83.31) OVER CLAY GUIDA (65.32)
It is time to save MMA fans from being duped into believing that frantically moving around without attacking is fun to watch. By creating a fighter who is the perfect counter to Clay Guida’s wrestling and motion, I believe I will end Guida’s attempts at becoming champion and brainwashing the world. Ben Henderson is the anti-Guida.